Monday, December 3, 2007
♥ its only fair for th world to be unfair
Yesterday was Day 1 of my Portfolio workshop @ LaSalle.
My D&T folio was disaster so I joined this pre-interview course.
Only 10 students in class but there were better focus of course.
Was trained to observe and draw contours with charcoal. Interesting.
Never done before so there was so much excitment among us.
One of my coursemate, QiaoZhen said I resemble someone frm NP.
What th hell. Do I seriously have common face? Hais, I don't want !!
But there will definitely be something different, I'm a weirdo. Lols.
Only one home assignment which is an 150 words essay question.
I chose an artist, Jason Ensor. Someone who draws emo portraits.
His drawings are unique, 2 of my other coursemates chose th same image.
Tmr is perpective drawing (: Gonna have great fun with my coursemates ;D
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today is Day 2 of my Portfoilio workshop @ LaSalle.
Took photos are my belongings when I'd reached early.
Did one point perspective drawing with th girls & had a great time (:
1st picture is what I drew ytd for pure & cross contour drawing.
Middle is a Martel bottle with Vodka and wines around it ;D
2nd is a photo of Level2 bridge. 3rd is my perspective drawing of it.
I did it the fastest. I stil rmb what my Sec1 Art Teacher, Ms Tan taught. Lol.
2nd &3rd photo different cos I drew frm what I see, not by th photo.
After class, went photoshoot of theme, "CityScape" @ Bugis.
Quite diffifult to get goodshot because people avoid camera. Lols.
Look at this two hyper-active coursemates of mine:
Hahaas. Our two girls in The Two Compass. Hahaas.
On bus home, met a pervert. He's a middle aged European man.
At bus stop, sat bside me and kept smiling and looking at me.
I was shocked he boarded th same bus as me. I went to th back of bus.
And sat beside a girl at th last corner. That pervert sat beside me.
Then th girl bside me wants to alight. Bus so empty, he made me squeeze.
Squeeze to let her get off th bus. That stupid pervert doesn't want to move.
Then I sat inside, to the corner. He didn't move it. I was so relieved.
Called Si Ming to tell her something. Then when I turned to look at him,
you guess what he's doing? He was with pants but he faced the dick at me,
And he put his hands behind me, on the railing. And gave me a sickening smile.
I had no choice. I woke th guy that is sleeping infront of me then asked him
if he can help me cos there's a pervert bside me. He act like my boyfriend. Lols.
He wanted to alight at interchange but he alighted with me & walked home.
I'm sorry that I woke u up but thank you so much for helping me, i-dont-know-ur-name. LOL.
******************************************************************************
Seen my title? Yup, it's only fair for the world to be unfair.
Afterall, I am just someone who hides a lot from reality.
Cause.. Reality is cruel? I understand why hatred exist.
For someone insignificant like me, I remain my stand.
I believe afterall, there's hate but no point hating anything.
Cause it's REALITY that causes this world to despise someone like me.
Someone trying to impact but turned out to be laughing stock.
Someone trying to do things like anyone else but rejected.
Someone trying to express but gets mistaken all the time.
Someone who never knows when th next stab will come.
Someone who expects little when world expects more.
Someone who doesn't look perfect && gets mocked.
Someone who gets mocked even by ur best friend.
Someone who never wanted things complicated.
Someone who gets hurt but kept numb about it.
Someone who hides in order not to hurt others.
Someone who helps but ended up being hated.
Someone who wanted to live like anyone else.
Someone who prayed for lesser cruel reality.
Someone who simply wanted a better life.
I believe im not th only one who felt like this.
I believe im not th only one who escapes reality.
Reality is cruel. It makes wrong things turn right and vice versa.
Reality bans you from having a thought, expressing yourself.
Please don't tell me it's not true if you'd never experience it before.
Please don''t try to understand me when I don't even understand myself.
Probably God didn't even know why he created me.
Probably my parents don't even know why i exist.
Probably I'm like an extra in every scene/story.
Probably I'm to waste Earth's resources.
Probably I just need to live, wait & die.
Probably I'm just a passerby.
Probably I'm born to suffer.
Probably I shouldn't exist.
Probably I still have to.
At least I can be given a one-word description.
Read this, I'm just
nothing.
Happened to me in family, just because I'm a girl.
I can't do this, can't do that, I only got my Barbie Dolls on bdays.
From th day I knew things, I knew my parents are realistic.
Verbally, they said they agreed that my brother is overpampered by Granny.
But behind our back, they spoil him even more. PSP, games, phone bills..
Can u imagine a 20yr old, eldest in big family but with no working experience?
From young, I was forced to do a lot of helping in house chores.
Just because I'm the eldest among girls && my bro just play all his life.
From Sec1 till now, I can only use internet for 1hour over supervision.
They can come up with a million excuses why he can use internet for longer time.
When he goes DOTA battlenet all time and PPLE ALWAYS FIRST BLOOD HIM! SHAMEFUL!
Such a loser. He can just unplug ur charger when it's in usage & doesn't bother t say.
Yeah, one whole night and u realised u actually charged NOTHING. Fuck you CBK.
Aft he got into NS, mum always praise how he can stil survive with 300 per month.
I don't believe ok! Stil got money to buy laptop, branded, go out every weekend.
I hate my Granny a lot cause I ever saw her put money inside my bro's wallet.
& my parents can't be bothered. I'm straight forward in words & they hate me for that.
My 2 sisters are much wiser. They always like to sweet talk my parents.
My parents dote on them of course. BUt I find it so digusting t get in good books.
It was never my style to sweet talk someone to get such attention at all.
This Granny boy never paid for his phone bills, never even paid for license.
I hope you'll get impotent someday& by then I'm sure they won't dote u anymore!
Fuck off you useless bum! I'm born unlucky but at least I'm not sissy like you!
My parents would never pay for my clothes unless it's under offer, even if it looks ugly.
Him? They give him money to buy clothes! What the HELL! Hope you die fast!
Yeah, I'm tired. Just trying to vent out. It's 4.48am now. B'cs of that sissy,
I had to blog all of these in notepad and wake up so early. I hate home so fking much.
I wanna run away frm home. Who wants to lend me a pillow..?
Remembered my wrist slanting times in Sec school days.
I never like using a penknife. Blood gushes out too fast.
&& it hurts psycologically just because u see blood.
I used my mini friend instead- Stapler bullet.
Th skin gets ripped off, hurts when contact with air.
One more slant down, you can see slightly ur veins.
One more slant down, you can see a little come out.
One more slant down, hmm, probably not deep enough.
Trills of slanting. Feel th pain first bfore u see thick blood.
Ok, this hurts. And take longer time to heal than penknife.
No worries, I won't waste my time slanting my wrist.
No point hurting myself more thru self abuse when i look ugly enough.
So if you feel that this world is unfair, think about me.
Cos' reality is never gonna be sorry about what it'd ever done to me.
And there will always be something more pleasant
that reality's gonna give you than it would rather give to me (:
To conclude, my biggest enemy is not myself; it is REALITY.
Hey there, I'm gonna give u th most suitable handsign to describe you!
__l__ Please fuck off and die. LOL.
Random pictures:
Your paper Kisses: 6:53 PM
ADRIAN; friend